Pride

As a parent, you wonder every single day if you are doing everything you can do (and not do) to help your child grow into a strong, kind, loving, independent, social, happy individual. And up until now, I haven't been given a lot of feedback from you on that topic because basically, you can't talk in sentences. But every once in a while, I'm realizing, something happens that reveals just who your child is..or is becoming. It was a beautiful day today and I decided to take you to the park across the street. You pretty much know your way now so I let you lead until we have to cross the street and then we hold hands and then you lead again. You are usually one of the youngest at the park, but you are so tall, you can get to a lot of the stuff the older kids can get to. Today you were climbing on the jungle gym and there was a little boy just standing holding onto a steering wheel on one part of the gym. You wanted to play with it too so you walked up to him and touched the wheel. Well, this little crap-head FREAKED OUT. He was about your age, maybe 2 already, but he threw an all out get-the-hell-away-from-me fit right then and there. Totally unacceptable behavior, but his mother wasn't there and I honestly was more interested in how you were going to react than trying to discipline this child that wasn't mine. I was prepared to have to split you two up for no other reason than it seemed like a normal reaction for you, at your age, to throw a fit back (not that you do that very much...really, at all). Anyway, it didn't come to that because you just backed up about five paces, but by the look on your face, it obviously upset you. But I just watched and after a second or two, the boy had calmed down and you started to walk back up to him. I thought, "oh Lord, this kid is going to lose it again when Mason touches that wheel" and almost stopped you, but you walked so softly and slowly up to him and...this is the best part...you didn't touch the wheel. You touched his arm. So very softly and so knowingly...as if to say, "It's okay...you probably get things taken away from you a lot. But I'm not going to do that. I just want to play with you and be your friend." I swear, it was that clear in your touch what your intent was. Of course, the little ass-hat totally freaked out again which ruined the entire moment for you, but Mason...I got to see who you are becoming. And today, I am so very proud. Not just proud of you, but proud to know you. My word son, what a wonder you are.

TO MY VALENTINE...

You are the smaller of my two valentines, but you are the CUTEST (don't tell your dad I said that) and I am so happy to say to you today "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!" Unfortunately I am in school all day today, but I got to get you out of bed this morning when you woke up and put you in my bed with your blanket (you call it your "deece") and kiss you tell you I would see you tonight, which I will, and give you your valentine card which you can't read and give you another big kiss. I LOVE YOU!!!

Busy

I often think back to being a kid and everything seemed to go so slow...the month of Christmas (which we are in) was an eternity, counted down on the Advent calendar daily, the big day feeling eons away. I just couldn't WAIT for Santa to get here! It took FOREVER! But now, as an adult and a mom (and also a student and employed), I am often amazed (shocked, horrified, whatever) at how very fast everything moves. I heard that happens as you get older, and I hate to tell you, it's true. HOWEVER, much of my personal "busy-ness" comes from trying to get through school before you start kindergarten and keep up with that financially by working. Every day it's study time, work time, grocery shopping time, mommy-daddy time (although that often gets put on the back-burner unfortunately, but we are working on it!). And it's very often that when I'm doing one thing, I'm thinking of another, never fully committed to the task at hand. But I realized the other day as you and I were doing something...driving, at the park, playing in the living room, I can't remember exactly...but I realized that when I'm with you, when it's mom and Mason time, it's just that. All my other distractions fall away. My mind is not on work, school, friends, anything else. All I care about is being with you. In those moments there is nothing else. Because YOU are my highest priority. Plus, it's a pretty big bonus that I really like you a lot, so it's kind of like hanging out with my best friend. That will gross you out some day when you read this I'm sure, but for now, that's really how it is. And I thank you SO much for being the type of kid that makes it easy for me to be a good mom. I just can't tell you what a blessing you are. Not just "you" in the "having kids is a blessing" sense, but YOU...Mason Trusler...YOU are a blessing, a joy, and the biggest, brightest, most calming element in my otherwise very crazy life. Don't get me wrong, you wear me out...you have more energy than I could have ever imagined...but at the end of the day, it's the very best tired of all my tireds. Thanks son. I love you so much.

Things I Want to Remember

I used this picture for this post because first, it's incredibly awesome that it actually captures you at the exact moment of what made that moment so funny. But also, because the most amazing moments can come and go so fast, and I know so many more are in store. So...

Some fun facts and things I want to remember:

1. You got your first tooth when you were 5 months old. You got your 8th tooth when you were 8 months old. You are almost 14 months old and still have 8 teeth.

2. You lost all your hair after you were born (over about a month or so) and it grew back again a few months later - lovely strawberry blonde.

3 You weighed 30 pounds by the time you were 10 months old. You were also 31" inches long at that point. This is the 140th percentile on the baby charts. You are bigger than everyone!!

4. You call Daddy "Daddis". When we walk past the loft, you look up and say, "Daddis?" And I say, "Yes, daddy works upstairs." When you see his baseball cap, you say, "Daddis?" and I say, "Yes, that's Daddy's hat." Everything you are interested in is "daddy's", maybe that's where you go it?! :-)

5. I made all of your baby food from scratch except for the baby rice and oatmeal you had initially between 4 and 6 months. After that, I pureed everything for you. You had maybe 6 jars of commercial baby food in your young life, and that's only b/c we took a long trip and couldn't bring the real stuff easily.

6. You started crawling around 8 months. You are just now getting your walk on (about 13.5 months), which is right on schedule.

7. Your first word was "juice".

8. You still don't say "mama". Every once in a while you say "mom", but I think it's b/c you think it sounds funny.

9. You made us both wear tupperware hats the other day. It was super cute. We have pictures.

10. You hide things. It makes me smile all the time. I'll find a Lego in my sandal, a bottle in the warming drawer of the oven, a teething ring in a cup in a cabinet. And you know where you put them. One day you wanted a bottle so you went and opened up the warming drawer and brought it to me. :-)

11. When you were about 6 months old (just learned how to sit up well by your self), I would put you on the floor with a basket of toys and you'd go through them all and play. You'd coo and blabble and make sweet noises the whole time. Well, after a while I realized you weren't making any noise (which usually means you are in to something you shouldn't be) so I went in the living room and you had scootched yourself over to one of the dog's bones and there you were chewing on the rawhide. No telling how long you had been chewing on it, but it was pretty gummy. I took it away and called the nurse (nothing to worry about), but you still were totally occupied by something when I got off the phone. I walked back in and you had the other dog's rawhide bone and were chewing on it. So, I took this one away and you cried! You wanted it back to chew on so badly. Woof!

Okay, that's all I can think of right now. I mean, there are a million things I could write and I want to remember them all, but these are a few that are popping into my head today.

I love you sweet boy!

Mom

Fun

I can't believe what an awesome kid you are. It's like overnight you just decided to get really funny and kind of attitudinal with me (in a good way) and I'm so loving you right now! :0) I guess I just didn't expect to get to really know who you are so soon! It's hard for me to believe that you just have this quirky, fun personality in there and you are not even one yet! Just born with it, hu? So...what are we doing these days? Well, we swim...a lot. It's hot and you love the water, so there it is. I am sewing and keeping an eye on you from my table while you play. You have the whole living room to yourself pretty much (lucky kid) and you now have toys you can "walk" with. I bought you a Scout dog that says your name and you really like it. You point and talk and are so close to saying "juice" and "daddy" and "keys" and "shoes". You make hilarious faces and give me the cutest baby attitude when you don't get your way. Most times you don't mind, but when you do, it's funny. You get over it pretty quick though...on to the next thing, right? I don't have work or school this summer so it's pretty much just you and me most days (Robin comes twice a week for a few hours so I can get some stuff done), but you seem to like me, I like the snot out of you, and that's pretty groovy to me.

Your daddy

My gosh, boy. What don't you do these days?! You are so full of energy it just astounds me. I'm having trouble keeping up with you! Na, not really, but kind of. :-) You have two new teeth this month and are about thiiiis close to getting your crawl on. I just can't believe how fast you are growing! Your dad and I are going to San Antonio this weekend with a couple of friends and leaving you with your grandma Bonnie and grandpa Allan. (They are coming here.) It's the first time we've left you like this and I have to tell you, your dad is not happy about it. I keep trying to remind him that we will have fun and get some special time together (yuck! I know). But son, he loves you so much and it is just breaking his heart to think of being so far away from you. He's supposed to leave for Brazil in a month or so for work and we're not really talking about it right now because it makes him upset. Your dad is no softy, son. He's a man's man and there are very few people that can bring out this side of him. You should know that you do. He loves you so dearly. He loves hanging out with you and is late for work all the time because he doesn't want to leave you. We are going to take you to Sea World this summer and it will be our first official family vacation. I can tell you without a doubt, he is looking forward to that much more than this weekend. Isn't that cool bud? I love you boy. Talk soon.

Being a Parent

Hello sweet boy. Your father would be very unhappy with me if he knew I was writing you right now. I'm supposed to be studying for an exam. Oh well, I'd rather think about you than 18th century American History. I am becoming aware lately of how truly difficult being a parent is. I don't want you to think you are a difficult child because you are not. In fact, just the opposite. But every day...every bit of time we spend together...I am constantly reminded of how perfect and innocent you are. How trusting and open you are to every new experience. And how very much your future well-being is in my hands. I can't begin to tell you what a powerful and humbling realization that has been for me. There are times I am so very scared I am going to do the wrong thing and you are going to suffer for it. Right now there are not too many major decisions to make most days, and for that I am thankful. We just play and laugh and have as much fun as we can cram in one day. But there are a few, and even these little decisions today like when to start letting you eat a cracker by yourself (choking!@!) or to let you cry in your crib when you are fighting sleep (breaks my heart) I take so very seriously. I guess I just want to tell you this: there is nothing, NOTHING I do that doesn't have your best interest in the very front of my heart and mind. It might not be there perfect decision, it might not be the most popular, but I swear with all of my heart, it is what I (we) thought was best for you. For your future happiness and well-being. I love you Mason.