Fun

I can't believe what an awesome kid you are. It's like overnight you just decided to get really funny and kind of attitudinal with me (in a good way) and I'm so loving you right now! :0) I guess I just didn't expect to get to really know who you are so soon! It's hard for me to believe that you just have this quirky, fun personality in there and you are not even one yet! Just born with it, hu? So...what are we doing these days? Well, we swim...a lot. It's hot and you love the water, so there it is. I am sewing and keeping an eye on you from my table while you play. You have the whole living room to yourself pretty much (lucky kid) and you now have toys you can "walk" with. I bought you a Scout dog that says your name and you really like it. You point and talk and are so close to saying "juice" and "daddy" and "keys" and "shoes". You make hilarious faces and give me the cutest baby attitude when you don't get your way. Most times you don't mind, but when you do, it's funny. You get over it pretty quick though...on to the next thing, right? I don't have work or school this summer so it's pretty much just you and me most days (Robin comes twice a week for a few hours so I can get some stuff done), but you seem to like me, I like the snot out of you, and that's pretty groovy to me.

Your daddy

My gosh, boy. What don't you do these days?! You are so full of energy it just astounds me. I'm having trouble keeping up with you! Na, not really, but kind of. :-) You have two new teeth this month and are about thiiiis close to getting your crawl on. I just can't believe how fast you are growing! Your dad and I are going to San Antonio this weekend with a couple of friends and leaving you with your grandma Bonnie and grandpa Allan. (They are coming here.) It's the first time we've left you like this and I have to tell you, your dad is not happy about it. I keep trying to remind him that we will have fun and get some special time together (yuck! I know). But son, he loves you so much and it is just breaking his heart to think of being so far away from you. He's supposed to leave for Brazil in a month or so for work and we're not really talking about it right now because it makes him upset. Your dad is no softy, son. He's a man's man and there are very few people that can bring out this side of him. You should know that you do. He loves you so dearly. He loves hanging out with you and is late for work all the time because he doesn't want to leave you. We are going to take you to Sea World this summer and it will be our first official family vacation. I can tell you without a doubt, he is looking forward to that much more than this weekend. Isn't that cool bud? I love you boy. Talk soon.

Being a Parent

Hello sweet boy. Your father would be very unhappy with me if he knew I was writing you right now. I'm supposed to be studying for an exam. Oh well, I'd rather think about you than 18th century American History. I am becoming aware lately of how truly difficult being a parent is. I don't want you to think you are a difficult child because you are not. In fact, just the opposite. But every day...every bit of time we spend together...I am constantly reminded of how perfect and innocent you are. How trusting and open you are to every new experience. And how very much your future well-being is in my hands. I can't begin to tell you what a powerful and humbling realization that has been for me. There are times I am so very scared I am going to do the wrong thing and you are going to suffer for it. Right now there are not too many major decisions to make most days, and for that I am thankful. We just play and laugh and have as much fun as we can cram in one day. But there are a few, and even these little decisions today like when to start letting you eat a cracker by yourself (choking!@!) or to let you cry in your crib when you are fighting sleep (breaks my heart) I take so very seriously. I guess I just want to tell you this: there is nothing, NOTHING I do that doesn't have your best interest in the very front of my heart and mind. It might not be there perfect decision, it might not be the most popular, but I swear with all of my heart, it is what I (we) thought was best for you. For your future happiness and well-being. I love you Mason.

Family

Hello there baby boy! My writings have become further and further apart these days, but I am happy to say the reason is that we spend all our time together - and we have so much fun. You will be 6-months old in a few days. WOW. I can't believe how you have grown. I haven't mentioned it here yet, but you are a giant kid. Started off that way, so no where to go but up. You really look so much like a toddler, it's amazing. You are beginning to sit at the table with us in your highchair, you roll over and push yourself around backwards on your tummy. You can sit up by yourself and are so smart, Mason. You have an amazingly long attention span...I hope that stays. :-) I'm not sure I have any wise lessons for you today, other than the thing that has been on my mind recently, which is how wonderful I think it is that you are going to grow up in a loving family. I don't have any memories of my mom and dad together. It never bothered me (still doesn't), it was just how it was. But you will. And I'm so happy for that. Your father and I love each other so much. We are best friends and we both feel so incredibly lucky to have found the other. I hope you grow up watching us love one another, spending time and doing for the other. I hope you see the type of relationship you want when you see us. No relationship is perfect, but we feel that ours comes pretty close. Family is so important son. You do not have an immediate family in town that you will have ready access to. They love you and do so many wonderful things for you and come and see you as often as possible, but you have so many friends around you that just cherish you so. Janice, Julie, Sheila, Matt, Jim, Terry, Jacqueline, Carrie, Dennis...the list goes on, and they all love you so. And they are your family too. There is not one of them that wouldn't come in a moment's notice if you needed anything at all. You are so loved my son!

Well, what can I say? You keep me busy, boy. It's coming up on Thanksgiving and you are about to turn 4-months old. I just can't believe how fast you are growing and changing. And did I say growing?! Your grandma and grandpa Trusler were here recently (just after Halloween) and had such a good time with you. Your family loves you so much son. I wish everyone was closer so we could all spend more time together, but don't let the distance fool you...everyone loves you so much. Your grandma and grandpa Ellis drive about 10 hours (20 hours round trip) to come see you every month. We love it. Grandma Fairchild will be here for Christmas. She hasn't seen you since you were born and is just aching to get here. I let her talk to you on the phone all the time though.

I don't have a picture for this post because your dad just installed Windows 7 on my computer and moved my pics over to his laptop just in case something fouled up. Wonder what version of Windows will be out when you read this.

As you can tell, I really don't have a topic in mind today...just thought I would put something up for you. I think my next post will be about your daddy. He is just so in love with you. So am I.

You

A few things about you:

You are amazing. Every day I watch you. I watch you see things, I watch you touch things, I watch you try to learn everything you can about this big world you have found yourself in. I hope you always keep the same sense of wonder you have today.

You are beautiful. Every time I look at you I am overwhelmed. I know that your dad and I "made" you, but truly, it feels like you were created by God, perfectly precious, and given to us as a gift to remind us that life is so so good. I hope every time you look in the mirror, you know you are a genuine work of art.

You are brave. Each day I watch you try something new that you haven't tried before and even if it doesn't work out at first, you keep trying. Something as we get older makes us think that giving up is an option. I don't know where that starts but if there is anything I can do to help you avoid that mental pitfall, I will do it. You can do ANYTHING.

You are perfect. I mean, to me you are. You always will be. But the truth is, we all fail sometimes and we all fall short. AND THAT'S OKAY. Too many of us are told that we have to strive for perfection. And even if it isn't spoken aloud, it's implied in our schools, our jobs, and even in our homes. There is no perfection. Never hold yourself to someone else's standard of you. You know who you are.

And if you forget, just start reading from the top again.

I love you.

Growing

Mason,

Well my boy, you just don't sleep enough these days for me to write to you as often as I would like. However, you are mildly snoozing right now, so I will try. I was thinking today about how fast you are growing already. You will be 8 weeks old tomorrow and already are so alert and clearly eager to learn. We play little games together that help you learn and grow (you love to try to put your hand in my mouth - sorry but it's true. Just a week ago you couldn't get it in there without help, but now you are spot on every time!). Last night we all went to Jim and Terry Fredley's baby shower and I watched all the little boys running around completely ignoring their parents and having a wonderful time and I thought, "Wow - one day very soon, Mason will be this age and care nothing about hanging out with me." Right now I am your world. You know my voice now, you smile when you hear me talk coming into your room, I am your favorite person.
Even with that, I want you to know that I will do my very best to let you find your independence. It is so important, son. My hope is that you won't even notice it. You'll just move from one stage of independence to the next with no thought as to how it happened and God forbid, how I feel about it. That's my hope for you.
I will love you always and am so anxious to know the boy and man you will become. But know that really, truly, to me, you will always be 8 weeks old, asleep on my chest, with your little arms wrapped around me. Not because I don't love who you are at the moment or who you have become and what you have achieved, but because there, in that place, you need me...and I will always be there. I love you so much.