Being a Parent

Hello sweet boy. Your father would be very unhappy with me if he knew I was writing you right now. I'm supposed to be studying for an exam. Oh well, I'd rather think about you than 18th century American History. I am becoming aware lately of how truly difficult being a parent is. I don't want you to think you are a difficult child because you are not. In fact, just the opposite. But every day...every bit of time we spend together...I am constantly reminded of how perfect and innocent you are. How trusting and open you are to every new experience. And how very much your future well-being is in my hands. I can't begin to tell you what a powerful and humbling realization that has been for me. There are times I am so very scared I am going to do the wrong thing and you are going to suffer for it. Right now there are not too many major decisions to make most days, and for that I am thankful. We just play and laugh and have as much fun as we can cram in one day. But there are a few, and even these little decisions today like when to start letting you eat a cracker by yourself (choking!@!) or to let you cry in your crib when you are fighting sleep (breaks my heart) I take so very seriously. I guess I just want to tell you this: there is nothing, NOTHING I do that doesn't have your best interest in the very front of my heart and mind. It might not be there perfect decision, it might not be the most popular, but I swear with all of my heart, it is what I (we) thought was best for you. For your future happiness and well-being. I love you Mason.